Our roommate and I had a nice chat tonight. It was a deep discussion about how we're all works in progress. She brought up the point that so many of us are inculcated with what our lives should ideally be like, and sometimes we spend much of our lives trying to live up to that ideal instead of deciding for ourselves what we want and who we want to be. That ideal comes from family, from friends, from society in general, and I wonder who decided what the ideal was. We also delved further into forming our own opinions and setting our own values. So much of that comes from our parents. We were encouraged -- somewhat -- to think for ourselves, but we were often told how to believe. Sometimes that is good, and sometimes that is bad. Most prejudices and negative biases are learned at home, unfortunately.
And somewhere along the way, I picked up the now-it-seems-foolhardy notion that what I wanted in life really wasn't all that important. I do have issues with self-esteem -- I always have -- and I can slice myself to ribbons worse than anyone else can. I do think I'm getting better about avoiding this harmful way of thinking, though. I do deserve happiness, and I do deserve to go after what I want in life. And if I don't reach my dream, I'll grow in trying, or I'll find something else to be happy about along the way.
Leah was shocked to learn that I had never lived for any significant amount of time on my own. I graduated from TWU in 1993, and I started dating my first partner just a few weeks afterwards. We dated for several months, and I moved out of my parents' home into his home in April of 1994. Steven and I were together for about six and a half years, and he broke up with me in November of 1999. Outside of a short, but intense, relationship that lasted about a month, I was single for about three months before I met Jeff in March of 2000. Jeff and I broke up at the end of November, 2008.
So, I need some time living alone, and I need to find out who this Scott Lindsey person is and find out what he wants out of life. I'm a work in progress, that's for sure, and I think we all are to some degree. Life is a journey.
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2 comments:
I had heard on a talk show or something about a woman who had never lived on her own. She literally went from her parents' home to her husband's home. And for many years that's the way it was done. Taking care of other people, but never taking care of yourself.
I decided very early that I didn't want to do that. I wanted to know that I could take care of myself. And I did. Sometimes it wasn't pretty, but I managed to get myself out of most of my scrapes.
But I grew. And I know that I can do it. We are all works in progress that change and evolve. It took me many years to be happy where I'm at. I didn't love my life for a very long time. But alot of time spent reflecting and trying to figure out who I was helped. And a whole lot of bingo. I love the bingo.
Put your boots on and wade deep. But life is what we make it.
Love you,
Cristy
I was petrified of doing it after Steven and I broke up. It wasn't always fun, but I learned to like it. I just don't think it was enough time to really get to know me. As always, you've shared some powerful advice, and I appreciate it.
Love you,
Scott
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