Wrapping Up 2008

It's almost time to say goodbye to 2008 and file it behind us. It's been an amazing year in many ways, and also a sucky year in many ways. Many things have happened this year, some of them good and some of them were not quite so good. This is just a partial list based on what came to my mind when I originally wrote the post.

• I started this blog, much to the joy of people everywhere! Pretty soon, this blog will be compulsory reading in college classes around the world, and there have been talks of a Lifetime TV movie. I guess I'd better bring the level of writing up a notch or two. When my blog writings are compiled into leather-bound volumes, I'll let posterity decide whether this was a good thing or something that never should have happened.
  
• I reconnected with two of my dearest friends from high school, Cristy and Francie. I had just temporarily lost touch with Cristy (we can always pick up right where we left off), but I hadn't talked to Francie in about 18 years. This was such a joy for me. And I got to see Cristy, Daniel, and the kids at Thanksgiving!
  
• I've kept in touch with Robin Box (Bray), whom I've known since first grade. She looked out for me then and she's still looking out for me now. She's such a loving and giving person.
  
• I'm still gainfully employed at RadioShack. Let's hope that trend continues while I finish my master's degree!
• My family is still in good health and good spirits. Mom is still full of vim and vigor, and is keeping it real out in the Settlement. Give her a big shout-out, yo!
• My dad can finally hear what he has been missing for the past 20 years, since he now has hearing aids! Give him a big shout-out, yo... but do it in a normal tone of voice since he can hear you better now.
  
• My cousin Mike and his wife Debbie just bought a house in Fort Worth, and we all went there for a fantastic Christmas Day hootenanny. My uncle Charles and my aunt Debbie (not the same Debbie as my cousin's wife - we're not that liberal of a family) also moved into a new house in River Oaks, and we all went over there for Thanksgiving.
  
• I have successfully completed two more semesters of graduate school, and I'm marching onwards towards graduation. Hopefully there are just two more semesters to go, provided that all of the classes I need are available. If I have to do "filler" classes to remain part-time in school, I'll look into interpretive dance classes or something.
• We now have Barack Obama in the White House, and he seems to be trying to boost the economy and try to bring the country together, if that is at all possible. I don't remember a President-Elect diving in and getting busy as early as he has done.
• A gay marriage ban was overturned in Connecticut.
  

Now, for the bad...

• The saddest news from me this year is the end of my relationship with Jeff. In some ways, I never thought it would have ever happened, yet it happened so quickly. We had almost nine years together of good times and bad times, and I know that I am a richer person today for having known him and loved him.
  
• We had to say goodbye to our dear cat Nicholas Longsworth at the end of April. Nicky was such a special kitty, and his passing still brings tears to my eyes. We grieved terribly over his death (he had to be put to sleep - he had FIP and was no longer eating or drinking) and I cannot bring myself to adopt other kitties yet. I had him for twelve wonderful years. Without a doubt, he was the most loving kitty I have ever known. He and Jeff were best buds and often took naps together.
  
• We all had to share the burden of the economy this year. Higher gas prices meant higher prices for everything, so we all had to save our pennies where we could. A silver lining here was that people actually began reducing their demand for gas, which ultimately helped drive down the cost.
• More economic woes: So many people have lost their jobs, and so many companies have had to close. The parent company for Bennigan's closed all of the restaurants very quickly, giving their employees very little notice, and some of the final paychecks actually bounced. More companies may end up closing after the first of the year.
• Constitutional bans on gay marriage passed in several states, most notably in California. The Attorney General in California feels that the constitutional ban is itself against California's constitution, and therefore should be voided.
  
• In Arkansas, it is no longer legal for gay people to adopt children. Actually, the ban is specifically for unmarried couples, so it actually affects heterosexuals too, but it was targeted at gay couples. This is truly sad, considering there are so many children who need loving homes.
  
• We have had so many deaths of famous people this year. Here's a link to a slide show.

If I keep focusing on the bad, I'm going to get depressed, so I'll end now.

I don't have any specific New Year's Eve plans this year, and I don't think anyone does at our place. We're probably just going to hang out and order pizza or something. But wherever you end up spending your New Year's Eve, I hope you ring in 2009 with excitement and anticipation. And I send you all warm Happy New Year's hugs.

Happy Holidays!

This is a bit late in the day, but I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas this year. I know that the economy is tight and the future (as always) is uncertain, but I do hope that everyone who could put aside their anxieties and cherish this day with family, friends, and loved ones was able to do so.

We did not put up a Christmas tree this year. None of us were particularly in the Christmas spirit, for understandable reasons, but I was lucky enough to be able to spend Christmas Eve with very dear, close friends and spend Christmas Day with my family. That made it a nice Christmas for me.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Michael Bublé

Anyone who knows me knows that my taste in music tends to run to standards and show tunes, especially if they are set to swinging big band arrangements. Ella Fitzgerald is a goddess as far as I'm concerned, and one of the top vocalists we have ever had. But I made a very pleasant discovery a year or so ago when I found Michael Bublé on iTunes. And I've been a raving fan ever since. If you see me at work with my iPod on, chances are that I'm listening to Michael Bublé. I've been in that kind of mood lately. Especially his latest album -- Call Me Irresponsible -- because it does have such a deep, romantic feel to it.

I found this clip of him singing a terrific song from his latest album. Enjoy I've Got The World on a String.

Being a Work in Progress

Our roommate and I had a nice chat tonight. It was a deep discussion about how we're all works in progress. She brought up the point that so many of us are inculcated with what our lives should ideally be like, and sometimes we spend much of our lives trying to live up to that ideal instead of deciding for ourselves what we want and who we want to be. That ideal comes from family, from friends, from society in general, and I wonder who decided what the ideal was. We also delved further into forming our own opinions and setting our own values. So much of that comes from our parents. We were encouraged -- somewhat -- to think for ourselves, but we were often told how to believe. Sometimes that is good, and sometimes that is bad. Most prejudices and negative biases are learned at home, unfortunately.

And somewhere along the way, I picked up the now-it-seems-foolhardy notion that what I wanted in life really wasn't all that important. I do have issues with self-esteem -- I always have -- and I can slice myself to ribbons worse than anyone else can. I do think I'm getting better about avoiding this harmful way of thinking, though. I do deserve happiness, and I do deserve to go after what I want in life. And if I don't reach my dream, I'll grow in trying, or I'll find something else to be happy about along the way.

Leah was shocked to learn that I had never lived for any significant amount of time on my own. I graduated from TWU in 1993, and I started dating my first partner just a few weeks afterwards. We dated for several months, and I moved out of my parents' home into his home in April of 1994. Steven and I were together for about six and a half years, and he broke up with me in November of 1999. Outside of a short, but intense, relationship that lasted about a month, I was single for about three months before I met Jeff in March of 2000. Jeff and I broke up at the end of November, 2008.

So, I need some time living alone, and I need to find out who this Scott Lindsey person is and find out what he wants out of life. I'm a work in progress, that's for sure, and I think we all are to some degree. Life is a journey.

Reflections on Being Single

Based on my own choice (or choices), I am single again at the age of 38. I ended an eight and a half year relationship that seemed to all outsiders to be completely fulfilling and happy. Many people have been hurt, and many people are still in shock about what has happened. I think I'm still somewhat in shock myself, but the decision has been made and it's time to start soldiering onward. I am technically single, yet I'm not looking for any kind of romantic attachments just yet. I can't even say that I'm even in the mood for a raunchy one-night-stand. It's far too soon.

I do know that I want another long-term relationship, and I want to put a lot of work and effort into finding just the right guy because I do not want to go through all of this pain again if I can possibly avoid it. If I could wave a magic wand (no puns, please) and have things go Scott's way, this relationship would be my last one, and it would be for life.

I am committed to this lease until the end of September, so until then, Jeff, Leah, and I are living in odd quarters. Hopefully this situation will improve over time. Leah and I have no issues; Jeff and I have our occasionally tense moments. When the lease is up, chances are that I will move back to the Dallas/Fort Worth area proper. The mid-cities or Fort Worth is a more likely prospect than Dallas, but who knows what will happen between now and September? I still have a good paying job at RadioShack and I have a lot of debt to pay off. Kind of hard to find a boyfriend when you're financially strapped, so I probably won't really be looking for one for some time.

Life will be lonely at times, being single, but I have to go through the process because I have to be absolutely comfortable with who I am. I probably do have some self-esteem issues; most of us do. Maybe I should talk to a therapist at some point so I can refocus myself. My last session with a therapist worked wonders for me. I may look into that after the beginning of the year. My insurance does cover it. I think I can get 36 visits in a year, or something like that. There is also still a lot of reflecting to be done, and I want to make other changes too. When I get over this icky cold, I want to get back on an exercise routine. I also want to make more time for friends and family I have let hang on the periphery of my life far too long.

Colds are Icky

And owls are assholes - what's your point?

I think someone at work has given me a cold, and I have a pretty good idea who did it. The irony is that this same person was complaining that someone else came to work and gave him the cold, when that person should have stayed at home. Which is what I did today. I crawled out of bed, called in to work, downed two Benadryls and two Advils, and crawled back under the covers until about 4:30 pm. I felt a little better after taking a shower, but I'm still feeling pretty miserable. My sinuses feel like they're on fire. Right now, I'm sipping orange juice and ticking the time away until my next dose of NyQuil. I think NyQuil is some of the best stuff in the world. Personally, I prefer the cherry flavor, but all I have is that noxious green liquid that belongs squarely in that "if it tastes this rotten, it must be good for you" category. But it works, and that's the main thing. I know someone who swears that NyQuil is really just green vodka.

It depends on how I feel tomorrow morning if I end up going to work or not. I really don't want to make anyone sick at work, especially if they're going on vacation soon to be with their families for Christmas. I see myself as doing a favor for the community if I do end up staying at home.

I did have a little bit of fun today. I've just about finished the last Janet Evanovich novel that our roommate lent me. She's plowing through my Sue Graftons, but it's slightly uneven. She's on the last Sue Grafton book (T is for Trespass) while I have some more Janet Evanovich novels to read. I will say that the Janet Evanovich books are delightful and full of sassy charm. I also played the new Internet game, Sock and Awe, where you can throw shoes at President Bush. He's a quick little rabbit. I managed to hit him just a few times.

I hope everyone is set for a nice weekend! It's going to be warm here in D/FW, so I should probably get out and let the sun dry up this nasty cold.

Great News!

I got A's in both my classes, so I still have a 4.o GPA in grad school!

Of course, I'm getting my degree in something I do every day, so I may have an unfair advantage, but it still sounds good, doesn't it? I'm happy about it.